I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
