Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
