He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
