she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
