I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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