Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
