I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's official drugs can't kill me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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