Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
