Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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