I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
