we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
