Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
