The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
