Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
