Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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