Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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