a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
