hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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