I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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