I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
