did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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