how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
