I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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