hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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