So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
