if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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