Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
