She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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