Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
