I am midnight drunk by noon
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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