Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
