ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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