i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
