Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
one might say we're banned from that church
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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