alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
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Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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