either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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