Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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