I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
