i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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