I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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