I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
