It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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