Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
