you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
