i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
