I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
