So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
