Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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