I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's official drugs can't kill me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
