i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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