im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
