Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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