I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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You need Xanax blowdarts
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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