You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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