All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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