dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
