did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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