Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
