had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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