i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
