I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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