OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
is wine microwaveable?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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