I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
