She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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