All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
