There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
