just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
