the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
