fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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