By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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