We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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