I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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