It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
