Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
