i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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