Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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