She announced her abortion via fbk
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
